


Pine and Hope and Pine Some More

by Alis_Libertatis



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, F/M, I had to do it, Pining, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Love, i love him i really do but i had a spark of inspiration for once and., im so sorry to hurt michael like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 13:29:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10968222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alis_Libertatis/pseuds/Alis_Libertatis
Summary: Michael adored Jeremy.  Really, he did.  But Friday afternoons at the mall’s food court were a tradition, and all Jeremy seemed to be able to talk about was…Christine.**based on a recent photoset of pining michael by cryptidsp00n, aka scribs**





	Pine and Hope and Pine Some More

Michael adored Jeremy. Really, he did. But Friday afternoons at the mall’s food court were a tradition, and all Jeremy seemed to be able to talk about was…  
  
“Dude, you’ve gotta come see her perform sometime! She’s so amazing when she’s on the stage…It’s like she actually becomes her character and she just puts on the best shows…”

Christine. Nowadays any free time Jeremy had was spent talking about his girlfriend, even if he was supposed to be focusing on actually carrying on a conversation with his best friend of twelve years. It got really annoying sometimes, the way he was apparently unable to stop chattering about the “love of his life” (Michael wished he would stop calling her that), but it was also really endearing. His eyes would light up with happiness and he’d straighten up and then wouldn’t shut up for however long Michael let him ramble. It was almost as endearing as when Jeremy would talk for hours about some podcast he had listened to over the weekend or a new game he had just bought. The only thing that made it less adorable was the Christine part.

God, he really needed to pay attention more. Michael knew that thinking about Jeremy like this was bad for his emotional health since Jeremy was taken, and he knew that he must have the stupidest, love-struck grin on his face, but he couldn’t stop himself. He was in way too deep, had been for years, and at this point he didn’t think he was ever going to resurface.  
  
“Michael? You there buddy?” Jeremy’s voice snapped him out of his reverie and he sharply jerked his head up. Jeremy was looking at him expectantly. Shit, had he asked a question? Fuck.

_It’s fine, Michael, just smile and say something. Anything._

“I dunno man. Sounds a bit too hetero for me.” _Dammit, he’s gonna know I wasn’t listening, that’s always my response when I zone out--_

“Yeah I get it, you’re super gay and stuff but please? For me?” _At least he didn’t call me out on it._

“I think I’ve got plans whenever the play is.” Honestly Michael was taking a shot in the dark at this point as to what the question was, but considering that Jeremy had been talking about whatever play Christine was in earlier it was a safe bet.

“Oh, come on! What kind of plans could you possibly have? Busy getting high in your basement?” _Thank fuck, I guessed right. Alright now Michael, carry on as usual._

“Hey, those are very important plans! I can’t cancel on my bong, dude, that’s just disrespectful. Can’t be disrespecting my bong. It might decide to leave me and then where would I be?”

“Alright, fine, I’ll stop bugging you about it…But one of these days I’m gonna drag you to the theater if it kills me. Or you. Either way is good.”

“Uh huh, you do that. Anyway what were you saying about her acting?”

“Oh yeah! Well, it’s just that every time I watch her I get dragged into the story, y’know? Sometimes I feel like I completely just exit reality! It really is incredible how she…”

Michael tuned Jeremy out again. He could feel his cheeks starting to get sore, now, from smiling like a damn lunatic for so long, but it’s not his fault Jeremy was so perfect. It’s not his fault he always looked so pretty. It’s not his fault that Jeremy was...totally and completely enamored with Christine. He felt the smile quickly slipping from his face, just as his thoughts were slipping into the darkest part of his mind. They kept going.

 _It’s not your fault you’re not good enough for Jeremy. It’s not your fault you’re not interesting enough. It’s not your fault Christine is so much better than you. It’s not your fault you fell in love with someone who will always be unavailable to you…Oh wait. Yes it is! It’s all your fault, Michael._ The thoughts seemed to scream at him. He just wanted to be happy, to be left alone. Was that so much to ask? _Of course it is, Michael. Didn’t you know? You’re your own worst nightmare, and it’s all. Your. Fault. You’re so stupid! Did you really think you could be happy? Did you? You know you can’t have happiness, Michael. You don’t **deserve** it. What have you ever done to deem yourself worthy of a satisfying existence? Nothing. You’ve done nothing. And that’s all you are: **Nothing.** Why don’t you just end things right here? No one would miss you—_

“Michael! Michael, are you okay? Michael!!” And suddenly he was being shaken back into consciousness. He hadn’t even realized he had buried his head into his hoodie. He brought a hand to his face and was surprised to feel wetness. He had started crying? In a public place like this? He really was a mess.

“Hey, Michael?” came Jeremy’s voice. It was soft, concerned. “My friend, my dude, my buddy, my favorite person—“ At the last descriptor Michael choked on a sob. He felt the tears welling in his eyes again. Was he really Jeremy’s favorite person, or was he just saying that? He could be faking his concern. He could be faking this whole friendship. Everything could be a lie. All of it could be one big joke and as soon as Jeremy delivered the punchline he could just up and leave and then Michael would be alone. Again. Who’s to say that wouldn’t happen?

“—Michael! Come on, man, listen to me. Are you alright? Do you want me to take you home? You know what, I don’t care what you say, we’re going right now. Don’t look at me like that! Get up. And I’m driving, okay? I don’t want you getting us into an accident because your eyes are still puffy.” Jeremy was businesslike, throwing away their containers from Ichiumi Sushi and gathering all their stuff together. He started walking out to the parking lot, and Michael gratefully followed. In his mind he secretly wished that Jeremy would always act this protective of him, would always give him this much attention, but he knew that wouldn’t happen. He could always hope, though.

He shook his head to clear it and stepped out of the mall. He could always hope…

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact i listened to michael in the bathroom on loop while writing this and i didn't cry, good job me  
> another fun fact ichiumi sushi is an actual place at menlo park mall, which is in edison, nj  
> hell yeah i do my research  
> **please note this was written in one go, no editing or revising at all, also this is my second time writing for a fandom at all, so expect some shittiness n stuff  
> **comments are greatly appreciated bc i wanna know how im doing!! i actually like to write so!!! pls give me feedback thx  
> **yes i know the title is terrible but i couldn't think of anything else


End file.
